TWICE‘s member Jihyo revealed that she’s currently experiencing strong anxiety and feelings of depression on a heartfelt letter posted on TWICE’s official fan cafe, responding to the backlash she received after commenting about why she was absent multiple times during 2019 Mnet Asian Music Awards.
Jihyo said on her January 6th VLIVE chat, “I’m saying this because attention seekers keep saying nonsense, but I wasn’t feeling well. You must have been having fun because there was something to pick on, but I’m sorry. I just couldn’t do anything about not feeling well.”
Her choice of words angered some netizens, specifically oong-aeng-oong, a word that simply means ‘nonsense’.
Jihyo shared on her long letter that she became more scared on being in front of people, feeling a lot of fear about what people thought of her, overwhelming her with anxiety, fear and feelings of depression, even saying that performing in front of people was scary and hard.
TWICE’s member Mina is still sitting out of group activities due to recovery from anxiety disorder, since July last year.
Here’s Jihyo full statement (translated in English):
ONCE may have been hurt and disappointed yesterday from the VLIVE App chat, I’m sorry. I’ll try to explain step by step.
Rumors about me in March last year started to spread, and as a result, I became more scared about being in front of people.
The reason I cried at the airport was because all the people taking photos/filming and shouting made me feel a lot of fear, and I was so scared about what those people thought of me and how they might be looking at me.
In August, my private life became known, and there were a lot of false rumors as well. Because of that, my anxiety, feelings of depression, fear, and all kinds of negative emotions became bigger that being in front of people, saying even just one thing, or performing was scary and hard.
During our tour, the feelings of fear were so strong that I went to the hospital for a consultation, and received prescription medicine, but none of it helped much. As time went by, our Japan tour started, and starting from our performance in Japan right before MAMA, being in places with a lot of people became very hard.
All throughout our performance on December 3, I cried from fear and wanted to hide. In that state, I had to go to MAMA and face so many more people than were at our performance, and I had to speak and perform. That made even breathing hard for me.
Because of that, when returning to Korea, I was worried that I would cry again, or that people would see me having a hard time. I didn’t want people to worry, so I took a different flight and returned at a different time than the rest of the TWICE members.
Since all of this, no, ever since I debuted, I have seen countless negative comments about me, ridiculing me, and cursing at me. It really hurt, and it made me really mad, but because there is the work that I’ve done, because I have my job and my fans, I left it alone.
That’s what it was like leading up to MAMA.
I’m not complaining so that you’ll pity me, and I’m not asking for attention. I just wanted to explain why I ended up expressing my feelings in a negative way towards someone yesterday.
No matter what has happened, I’ve never been insincere in front of ONCE. ONCE has never not been important to me, and I’ve never not been concerned about ONCE. Yesterday as well, I was completely sincere.
What makes me the most apologetic is that I know that our team and ONCE are really confused right now. Because of that, I’m so sorry about letting my emotions get the best of me while speaking yesterday. I’m so sorry to both ONCE and my team. Because of what I said, other TWICE members also posted explanations. Reading what they said as well as what ONCE said, I felt it was right that I explain my own actions, so here I am writing this.
Me singing, performing, and communicating with ONCE is because I want both myself and ONCE to be happy. I do all of this because I sincerely wish for our happiness.
The reason I do this work is because I have ONCE, who love me and warmly embrace me. I can handle a lot, so I’d like if it you didn’t see those things, which would upset you.
In the future, as long as I’m a celebrity and an idol, there are going to be issues and rumors, but I’m going to do well, and I don’t want to make you spend the precious time that we can be happy and laugh and smile together on other things.
I’m sorry for making you worry, and thank you, ONCE.